Forgive me for my absence, I guess one could say I needed sometime alone with my thoughts. One might also say that I, again, had a lack of fruitful thoughtfulness AKA writers block… complete with a blockade synonymous with some walls found only in China, perhaps not visible from space but just as problematic to navigate around.
I must say, solitary confinement with my own thoughts is no picnic, nor is it a situation I would put myself in on my own; this time around I would say I was quite the victim of circumstance.
I’m not entirely sure what my thoughts had to say because I also have a severe case of selective hearing, But I now understand a few things:
Coming full-circle- used to be a saying I didn’t quite get. Did it involve an actual circle; would I be forced to use geometry or was the circle simply a metaphor for something?
I’ve found that the oddest part about my prgress here in the city of precious stones is that the only way I have moved forward was actually by going back to the beginning and embracing where I’ve been and then letting it go and looking solely to the future.
Yesterday or maybe the day before, I caught myself smiling for no reason. I can’t fully explain or adequately articulate what that means for me but I can tell you I haven’t been able to do that in a very long time. Somewhere near the end of my 21st year I lost my ability to be perpetually happy. I could lie and say that life got too complicated or I just became an adult and there was no longer room for me to act in such a way, but I’m not much for lies of such a caliber. So for now we’ll just say it’s one of those things that is “part of growing up.” Nevermind what this life lesson was about; I don’t care to share the details anymore. Though one thing is for sure: they never completely disclose how much these things hurt. I guess I’m just glad I can laugh about it now. I think eventually I’ll look back and simply refer to that period of my life as the dark time.
Much to the chagrin of anyone who had the slightest bit of… whatever it is that causes doubt… I, have made it. My mission to be in and part of a place consisting of precious stones and needles that for some reason point to space, is for now, on course… with the next destination TBA.
PS. Unbeknownst to me, I happened upon something far greater than simply a City of emeralds and untold discoveries…. but who would I be if I shared all the joys I have met and been re-acquainted with? Not myself… Much love.